As I sit here, my eyes draw to a close and I re-emerge in my mind at a time and place in the past. Before me is Sherman, one of my friends I met and am now standing before at the gym, as he instills his 60 years of knowledge and experience into my young mind. As I contemplate this moment in time, I think about the highs and lows of life. At this moment, I had reached yet another low point in my life. It had been a few weeks since the sudden and abrupt end to a relationship that in my mind, was only beginning. And so, begins the story, “Love Lost is Love Learned.”
With this introduction, let’s rewind back time even further to the beginning of this loop of love in my life. As this story continues, we emerge at an exact date in my life, October 8th, 2017. I had been living in Georgia for almost 2 years. Although I had dated around for some time, I had not met a woman that had managed to catch my eye and keep my attention, then she arrived. On October 8th, 2017 I went on my first date with my soon to be girlfriend. It was a Thursday evening. I had gone to work and to the gym and was preparing myself to go on yet another first date. Because I love Japanese hibachi and was craving it, I suggested we go to a Hibachi Steak House, and she quickly obliged. She was no ordinary woman, and at first sight I knew this. With her soft features, blue eyes, and intelligent mind, she had won me over before the night came to a close. She was a doctor you see, a resident at the Medical College of Georgia now owned and run by Augusta University. She impressed me that night at dinner as she spoke of her experiences that day at work and the story that she told. As the night came to a close, I walked her to her car. As we stood before her car, we spoke about a topic that we stumbled upon, “Why is it so quiet after a snowstorm? Is it because sound waves travel slower in cold air?,” were the questions we bounced back and forth. I have no idea how we got on that topic, but as the dialogue between us came to a silent end, I asked one more question, “I would like to see you again.”
The outcome of that statement is apparent as that first date turned to a budding relationship as time unfolded. We went on our second date that Saturday, two days later. I suggested we take a walk Saturday afternoon along the Augusta Canal so we could talk more and get to know each other. As I waited for her to arrive that Saturday afternoon, I again was filled with butterflies. This beautiful, intelligent woman decided to give me another shot was the thought that continued to loop endlessly as I awaited her arrival to the parking lot. She finally arrived and we were off. As we crossed the bridge to the canal and entered the walkway running parallel, we continued to hit it off just as we did at dinner on Thursday. We paused for a bit to sit on a cliff and watch as a Boy Scout group practiced rappelling down the cliff face. As we sat on the cliff, she spoke about her experiences from medical school and university. She took two trips to Africa: one to Kenya and another country in Africa that cannot recall at this moment in time. Sitting on the cliff reminded her of her hiking trip to the summit of a mountain in Africa, and so as I was terrified about sitting on a cliff ledge, I listened intently to the words that flowed from her lips. This young, Syrian girl had seen and experienced so much of the world, and now she was sitting before me telling me about it. I had finally found a woman with such a unique story and had persevered through a lot to get to where she was in that present moment.
As we exited the seated session on the cliff’s edge, we began walking again on the dirt path along the canal. While walking and talking, I saw off in the distance a woman riding a bike towards us. As she got closer, I recognized the face of the woman cruising along towards us, it was my boss and friend, Leslie Wright. Leslie is a retired teacher who now owns a kayak rental business along the Augusta Canal. I started working for her earlier in the year after taking a kayaking trip on my day off after working the Master’s Tournament the previous April. On the ride back to the starting point that day, she offered me a job. No sooner after I recognized her, she reciprocated the acknowledgement and soon conversation followed. I greeted Leslie and introduced my date to her. Looking back on this moment, it could not have come at a better time. Leslie is a great woman and we developed a strong bond in the 6 months we had known each other, and to this day I see her as a second mother to me here in Georgia. Without solicitation, Leslie boasted about how much of a gentleman I was and how I had the strength of 10 men when it came to carrying kayaks. Annie laughed out loud, but I knew inside she was happy to hear that I was a good, genuine guy, and I suppose the review of my character could not have come with better timing or from a better person than Leslie Wright. From this day, a relationship emerged between her and I.
At that point in my life, I had learned a lot about what it is I was looking for in a relationship. I wanted a woman who had the attributes I lacked, and that woman was now a big part of my life. She was patient, paid close attention to what was important to me, hard -working, and most of all was a woman of faith. I made the promise to honor that faith and spend the time to build a real relationship built on a real connection. I honestly have no idea how I did it, but I had won over the woman that I thought was the answer to my persistent prayers to G-d asking him to bring a good woman into my life.
Neither she nor I had been in very many relationships in our lives up until this point. I had only had 2 girlfriends in my life, and she only had 1 boyfriend. We took things slow for many reasons, but our busy work and studying schedules were the main reasons for why the flame was able to grow slowly. I was working, coaching, and going to school at night, while she worked 12 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. I learned to appreciate the quality of time together over quantity and she taught me to appreciate the moment. As time would progress, she taught me it was ok to love and let love in again.
But the title of this blog is Love Lost is Loved Learn, so like many things we cherish in our life, one moment they are here and gone the next. Although our relationship had many great moments that made a deep impression on me, I realize in hindsight it was not meant to be. One summer evening while sitting under the stars at Clarks Hill Lake, she looked at me and said, “You don’t have to wait any more to ask me anymore Sean.” Two weeks later, a small fight over something extremely minor, ended with her ending things abruptly and completely. Needless to say, I was devastated and confused, but nonetheless, I listened to what she had to say.
What she said was very true, but it broke my heart to know that a person could hold things in for so long without saying anything. She grew up in a culture and family dynamic that was completely different from mine. In a Middle Eastern Home, it is rude to deny food when it is offered. On Christmas Eve, her father made salmon. Up until this point in my life, I had never liked any fish that anyone has cooked for me, and so I told Annie that I would try it, but I may not like it. That act which seemed so innocent and honest in the moment, struck a chord with her. Although I ate the entire salmon and it was really good, she never forgot that moment. We both grew up in a reality that was words apart, and I think over time it created a barrier in how we perceive the world and that barrier manifested itself ever so more over time. She expressed that I had a regimented schedule because of my job and l liked to go to bed early, which would never work if we had children. She went on to say that we had different kinds of friends that we liked to be around even though I had never met any of her friends from home and she had only ever met Abraham. Although her words cut deep, to her they were real and true. She told me she had no remorse for telling me what she told me two weeks prior and then going back on it. She said she had every right to change her mind, and it was the sad truth.
At the moment, I was sad, heartbroken, confused, and so much more, but as I look back at this experience, I think about all that I have learned about myself, relationships, and what I needed to improve about myself as time moved forward. I learned that I needed to step out of my comfort zone and to live in the moment. I learned to do things that made me feel extremely uncomfortable because I needed to find the person she said I never was, but in reality, I knew that I’ve been hiding that person from the world my whole life. That person is afraid of letting go of the what if’s, and just experiencing the moment and life for what it is. I learned that in the end a good girl isn’t always what you need, and the end isn’t always the end, but can be a new beginning.
As we re-emerge to that time, person, and place from the beginning of the story, the conversation with Sherman is now alive within the dream in my mind. Sherman knew how heart- broken I was, for he saw our relationship grow overtime during our evening sessions at the gym. As Sherman looked at me in the gym that Saturday morning, he looked me in the eye and said, “The hardest step in any journey in life is the first step. It is all over after that. You gotta take that first step and keep going because you are going to do great things.”
I took a trip to Charlotte a few weeks later with my friend James and did just that. I took that first step off that 100+ ft ledge at the US National Whitewater Center and faced my fears for the first time in a long time. In that first moment of free fall my mind and body were in utter bliss and once again I knew what it felt like to feel alive again.
It is in those most trivial moments in our lives, those moments we are left feeling lost and without repair, that we truly find out what we are made of. As I sit here tonight writing these very words, I think about what life would be like if I gave up on love entirely from this experience, and what I see is sadness, for life without love is not worth living. I think about the ways I can improve as a partner moving forward because even though one may not agree with the words of one’s previous partners, their perception of reality holds weight in the world in which you live in. I think about all the things I would have done differently if I could just go back in time. In thinking all these things, I realized by reflecting on my flaws of the past, I can improve my future self, so that I may be a better man and a better partner for the woman I am destined to be with.
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